I want to look at tj and just say this to him.
With for the past 4 years, just confessed to me she thinks she likes girls. I know shes not talking about me because shes wayyyyy to pretty for me, and were just different people but it made my freaking week, to have her tell me <3
I am horrible sick! I cant breath out of my noise, my throat is scratchys and itchys and hurts and I have a ear ache. Days like this is when I wish I had someonr who loved me to take care of me :(
is gonna be my fucking year. Im gonna make this fucking work. Me and my ex decided were gonna be just friends. He told me to find a guy who makes me happy but always know he will know their not good enough, because no ones good enough for me. I needed to here that, he told me I was beautiful and perfect, I needed that too. I know this is the right thing, because now I can move on and still have him in a way. I feel good. Im gonna try and lose weight, get my hair redone, start doing my nails and all that fucking shit. But when it comes down to it, I will never get rid of my I DONT GIVE A FUCK attitude. I will find someone out there who loves mexican food as much as me, and doesn’t mind the zoo in my house and my rediculous family. I will be happy and I will live this year to the fullest and follow my gut. 2012. Im fucking ready.
I called him, I didn’t think he’d answer. I told my self after the six ring I’d hang up, and you guys, I shit you not, inbetween the fifth and sixth ring as I went to hang up, he answered. I felt my heart drop, I didn’t even know what to say. We talked, we talked like normal people, we talked like people who were never inlove, and it killed it. All I wanted to say was how I missed him, but I couldn’t. I could hear his boyfriend in the background. They sounded happy. I sounded like I was going to cry, oh wait, I was crying. Dear followers and everyone else out in the world, why do I do this to my self? What in me, makes me wanna call him, makes me wanna see him? And of course he moved closer to me, only five minutes away now, and how I know on my way to school on Tuesday I will drive past there, in hopes to see him, probably multiple times. Dear god, please let me find someone to love me, I need to know Im not fucked up and that Im capable of someone loving me..
</3 and now I will internet surf until I fall asleep, and hope to forget this ever happened.